My Sieve

This last week has been quite stressful. My mom got sick and after a long arduous day, we ended up in the ER at the hospital … still thinking that she might be able to go home. But she was admitted with pneumonia – a shock to both of us, since she had none of the symptoms, except she was tired and weak.

She spent a week in the hospital – I stayed with her the first few days, then Judy came over and took over. We were both with her when she came home.

Recovering from pneumonia, when you’re 85, is an ordeal! Mom came home with oxygen. There’s a pump – about the size of a de-humidifier – that snorts every 30 seconds. It has a 100′ hose that goes to her nose. We’ve named the thing “Trigger,” since she’s lassoed to it 24/7. (Think Roy Rogers!) She will have a home-nurse come twice a week; physical therapy and occupational therapy appointments as well (all good things, but whew!).

Last night was my first night alone with her home. I couldn’t sleep. My over-active imagination kept coming up with “what if” scenarios. I can’t imagine leaving her alone with all this going on. She lives 45 minutes away. What if the power goes out? What if she trips and falls on the hose? We’re thinking Trigger is a relatively short-term “pet,” but what if he’s not?

I realized last night that I was running a lot of the scenarios through “my sieve.” How do I feel about it? How does it affect ME? What do I want? Many of my thoughts are normal and good – certainly I want her better; I want things back as they were before pneumonia and Trigger entered our lives. But I can also recognize some selfishness creeping in! (Well maybe more than “some!”)

What a great reminder – and what a great prayer – to read this morning: Search me, God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-34)

 

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