Living in Gray

Gray is an in-between color, if it’s even a color. Wondering is like living in gray. Gray is in-between where you are and the awaited outcome. In gray, you don’t know what the end will be. Gray isn’t a bad place to live, but it is notcortina_gray a comfortable place.

I’m a planner. I like to KNOW. Knowing is easier. Knowing is black. Or white. Not knowing is gray. Making decisions in gray is tough. There are “what ifs” to consider. Are we headed to black? If so, then …. But, if we’re heading to white …. Gray looks calm, but it’s unsettling too. Gray can be fog, rain, storm. Gray can be soft, clouds, snuggles.

Clarity can come in the gray. This has been a year of seeing my mom through major health issues and crises. Every day decisions are made on her behalf, or with her counsel. Sometimes we don’t know what to ask, or if what we were asking was really what we should be asking. Scenarios play out in the gray, and we are befuddled at which decision to make. Inevitably, when needed, the answers are provided. The gray parts and clarity comes.

I am more comfortable with the clarity from the get-go! I am learning that plans are plans, and plans can be changed. It’s o.k. to go to plan “b,” or “c,” or even “q!” If we run out of letters to name our plans, that’s o.k., too!  Hard lessons for a planner, but important ones, too! I’m learning to trust God for clarity in the gray.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

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